Dealing With the Anger Demon
Having a sh*tty day? Well join the club! The secret to good living is not in everything being rosy all the time, as Ngozi Weller muses, but in learning how not to spread that crappy feeling to others around you. Curious? Read on friend!…
Red Blooded Woman
My name is Ngozi Weller and I confess… I might occasionally have a temper problem. It’s not my fault, I am a typical red-blooded African woman with an opinion on everything and no hesitation in expressing it. Personally, I rarely see it as a problem… it’s more of a gift, if anything! But once in a while, my hot head lands me in trouble. I will say or do something out of righteous indignation that I will then spend a lifetime and a good chunk of counselling hours regretting. Oh dear!
The thing is, I know I am not alone. I am not the only one who finds other people and their obvious lack of competence infuriating at times. If only they would do what we asked them to do, the way we asked them to do it, when we told them to, then nobody would have an issue, right?
Other times, it has nothing to do with other people. You just know that this is going to be one of those cr*ppy days where you wish you could live alone on an island made entirely out of bed pillows until the sh*tstorm blows over. But no, you have to go on being all human and interacting with people and doing stuff, urgh!
On days like these, it’s often the innocent bystanders who bear the brunt of my wrath. An unfortunately phrased question posed by a loved one or a misplaced Lego piece discovered by the sole of my bare foot is enough to bring a month’s worth of safely buried venom and bile streaming out of my mouth. Hell hath no fury, they say…
The thing is, that’s just not on is it? It’s certainly no way to go about making friends or influencing people. Or as Neil Cavato put it, “there’s nothing wrong or evil aboout having a bad day. There’s everyting wrong with making others have to have it with you.”
There’s nothing wrong or evil aboout having a bad day. There’s everyting wrong with making others have to have it with you.
Do This Instead
Why is this such a tough lesson for us to learn? I see it in my kids. When something goes wrong for them the whole world has to know it. As frustrating as that is from a parenting perspective, as a fellow human I totally get it. The temptation to spit your dummy out when things aren’t going your way feels too much to resist at times.
So what to do when you feel fit to burst and you’re ready to blow? Well, these thoughts might help:
1. This too shall pass- it may seem like a big deal now, but will it matter in a week, a month or a year?
2. Very few people are deliberately hurtful or evil. Even if they are it says more about them than you. Take a breath and rise above.
3. Holding on to hurt and anger does nothing good for you. Spreading it won’t make you feel better. Sharing your foul mood is NOT caring. So in the immortal words of Elsa, let it go!
4. If in doubt and all else has failed, a well timed and carefully selected expletive does much to alleviate frustration! 🤬
With over 15 years of management experience behind me I love to see women succeed at work and home. When I'm not doling out advice, I can be found sitting mute on the sofa watching tv with my husband or refereeing fights between my two kids.