Meet Ngozi WellerI'm not bossy, I'm THE boss!
Meet Ngozi Weller
Hey, I’m Ngozi (that’s Ing-ah-zee) Weller and my passion is people. I have turned my passion into a kick-ass business and I want to help you do the same, without going mad in the process!
Can you remember what you wanted to be when you were growing up? Not to sound too dramatic, but for me, I wanted to make the world better, to be a real life superhero. I had visions of becoming a female Kofi Annan, of saving the world one crisis zone at a time. But then…Life happened. You grow up, you grow fearful. You have a few setbacks, a few tough breaks. Reality. Fear and reality. I say both because it took both to stop me from pursuing my dream. Reality told me to get a “proper job”, a mortgage and a savings account. Reality warned me about The Glass Ceiling and the likelihood of failure. Then fear chimed in, whispering “What makes you so special? Who are you to be brilliant?”. It’s taken years of hard work for me to now confidently reply “Who am I not to be?”. Know this – you are doing nobody any favours by not being your brilliant best, least of all you! That is why I do what I do, encouraging others, especially women, to understand their true value and go after their dreams.
So, how did it all change?
Harnessing the Power of “No”
Have you ever said “yes” to something when you really meant “no”? Here is why that’s not such a good idea long term.
You know how they say that everybody’s got at least one book in them to write? Well, the title of my autobiography would be “The Girl Who Did Everything Right”. Not because I am, but because that’s what I was desperate to be. I’m a first-born people pleaser, an over-achiever with a strong stubborn streak. I thought that if I lived by the rules, worked hard, cared for others, that life would just work out. So I got the degree, the great graduate job, kept my nose clean and my head down and worked. Hard. The longer I stayed, the tighter the golden handcuffs became until thoughts of a different type of life all but disappeared. But it never did feel quite right.
I’ve always been a worrier, it’s my way of solving problems before they arise. But I’m also determined to be positive, so outwardly I focus on the bright side of life. To me, this was the perfect balance between caution and optimism, until it wasn’t. I was 37 when I had my first real panic attack. It had started with a little bit of worry everyday, seemingly reasonable concerns that anyone might have about their job. How was I perceived at work? Was I doing well enough? At some point those worries grew bigger and the negative voices in my head got louder. They started to spill outside the work box into other areas of my life. What if he doesn’t love me anymore? What if they don’t think I’m a good mother? But I still didn’t want to worry anybody so I kept quiet, desperate for them not to find out. Pretty soon I was having difficulty sleeping and was waking up in the night to that soundtrack in my head reminding me of all the terrible things that could happen.
Eventually I learnt that the best way to stand up to bullies is to ignore them. So, very slowly I started to tell those I trusted what I was thinking. They didn’t laugh and they didn’t agree. They just loved me and told me that none of it was true. Once I was free from my tormentor, it became clear what I should do with my life. Nobody should ever have to live with that kind of fear and shame. I wanted to help as many women struggling with their own inner bullies as I could, so Aurora Wellness was born. I want to show people that life after depression can be brilliant and bright, and that we are each stronger than we know.
So if I wrote that autobiography now, I might call it “Lemonade Girl” instead. Life may have given me lemons, but the lemonade I’m making tastes pretty sweet. In a way, I like to think that I’m still doing my bit to save the world. I may not be Secretary General, but this will definitely do. Now, where is that cape?…
I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.Rosa Parks
Ta-ta for now!
Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am.Parker J. Palmer